Freak Parade

So as I have mentioned, things have been a little rough around the Freak Parade household as of late. But I have been lucky enough to be the recipient of so many kind words, such encouragement.

Just this morning, as a matter of fact, I was told these words…”Girl, you ROCK!” Nice, right? Sure, these words should’ve made me feel all warm and squishy. They should have warmed the cockles of my heart…whatever a cockle may be…..If they hadn’t been delivered by my TAMPON. Yes, you read that right.

I bought a box of Playtex Sport tampons. Not because I engage in any sport myself…or even ponder any act of exercise beyond walking to the pantry to get the Thin Mints (long live the Girl Scouts). No, I bought them in the hope that they would work better than the other crap out there. And they do. And I love them….well, maybe not love, but like a whole bunch. So what’s with the cheesy, motivational wrappers? Some man person at Playtex thought, “I know, we’ll write phrases on the wrappers that will empower women. Women love that kind of stuff.” Mmhmmm, then. And so I share with you the Playtex Sport tampon lineup.

Featuring such gems as…

You have to move it, move it.

No PMS for the MVP.

Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. (?????)

Declare yourself a winner.

Go the extra mile.

And my personal favorite…”I’m your biggest fan.” Take a moment to let that one sink in. My….tampon…is….my….biggest…fan. Well, I guess I can die happy then.

The Playtex Sport must have some appeal because they even caused The Husband to pick them up and read them. No small feat, considering The Husband, on the few occasions he has had to touch a “girly product”, carried it precariously between his thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched, as if it were a live grenade.