I was at the grocery store with The Husband and The Boy tonight. I needed to pick up a few things, including a birthday card for a friend. We were the only people in the card aisle, and as I began to look at cards, The Boy was playing some sort of driving game with the cart, and The Husband was behind me, looking at the magazines displayed on the opposite side of the aisle. I sifted through the birthday cards, looking for one that didn’t have kittens, or start with “so, you’re another year older…” After a few minutes of searching, my brain could not take any more lame birthday card humor. Squatting down, I plucked the least stupid card from the bottom row. The Husband was now standing next to me and I wanted to show him the card and heave my behind up from the grocery store floor. Without looking, I reached my hand up to The Husband’s waist. I tucked my hand under the hem of his t-shirt and hooked my fingers inside the waistband of his pants, hoping to use them to haul myself up, like I’d done a hundred times before.
But, wait a minute….something was different this time….this didn’t feel like my….Holy %$@$%!!! This was not my husband!
I glanced up at the stranger, and then at my fingers tucked into his pants. Time stood still for just a moment before I recoiled as if I had suddenly noticed I was holding a poisonous snake (Um, poor choice of words. Oh, you can just keep your bad jokes to yourself.) I began apologizing profusely and blushing even more profusely.
“I’m soooo sorry! I thought you were my husband! But you’re not! Right. Not my husband. Sorry. So sorry!”
The stranger laughed and told me not to worry about it, but I just continued on, too horrified to stop myself. By now, The Husband had detected the commotion, and turned to see me, a crazed apologizing lunatic.
“What happened?” he asked, looking completely confused.
“I thought he was you! I thought he was you!”
“Oh,” The Husband laughed.
I tried to gather The Boy and The Husband and head out of the aisle as fast as I possibly could. I grabbed The Husband and yanked him along.
“What?” he asked, wondering why I was pulling on him like a complete freak.
I made it almost to the end of the aisle before I hissed, in way too loud a whisper, “I had my hand in his pants!”
This, of course had The Husband laughing and The Boy bursting into loud guffaws. I was seized with another wave of embarrassment, and all but sprinted to the next aisle.
The good news is, I managed to make it the whole way through the rest of the store without groping one other strange man. Nope, not a one.
Got an embarrassing story? Come on, share.
17 responses so far ↓
1 jen // Sep 7, 2007 at 9:11 am
Share an embarrassing story and take the limelight away from you? No thanks. He he, I’m still laughing.
2 Blog Antagonist // Sep 7, 2007 at 11:07 am
HA! That was funny. Once, I felt up my brother in law, thinking it was my husband. He had been standing right next to me, but then moved and BIL took his place. Everybody thought it was really funny (my bil is known for his butt) but I was horribly embarassed.
3 kristen // Sep 7, 2007 at 12:54 pm
This is really really good. I’m trying to think of an embarrassing moment that could top this, but I come up blank.
Thanks for the laugh. What a great way to start the day!
4 Dory // Sep 7, 2007 at 2:13 pm
LMAO. Seriously. Grapefruit juice. in. my. nose.
Woman, that was some funny shittake right there! You got me with the bait and switch… the one where you read the title and think you’re going to read a funny story about how the writer came across this psychotic lady at the grocery store then BOOM! the writer is the psychotic lady at the grocery store!
*still chuckling*
BRAVA!
5 Carrissa // Sep 7, 2007 at 2:41 pm
LOL. Good one…….
6 kellypea // Sep 7, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Mel, Mel, Mel…trying to pick up strange men and then pass it off as an accident.
BWAAAAAAAAH—HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think my face got red when I was reading…No, it wasn’t a hot flash. HOW embarrassing. I’ll have to think of my own. There must be a trillion.
7 Gidget Bones // Sep 8, 2007 at 12:03 am
Here via Blogmad….. Great story! Great Blog!
8 Cakehead // Sep 8, 2007 at 6:47 am
OH GOSH! Thanks for the laugh at the end of this really crummy week! I needed it, even it was at your expense
I have plenty of embarassing moments but I get stage fright when asked about them so I can’t contribute to the mayhem at the moment.
Unless you care to hear about the time my zip up jean skirt (think 80’s) decided to unzip as I was running across a field in 8th grade?
9 Tom // Sep 8, 2007 at 2:40 pm
If this is a place you frequent, men will be lining up waiting for you in Aisle 4.
Innocently loitering next to women “inspecting” items on the bottom shelf.
I’m trying to imagine what was going through that guy’s mind as you grabbed hold.
I’ve almost kissed my brother’s gf once and years later nearly kissed my SIL. Stopped short thankfully.
10 petite mom blog // Sep 8, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Ok, I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced anything THAT embarassing…and now that I’ve said that I’m sure something bad is about to happen.
11 Jen M // Sep 8, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Oh MY - you didn’t! That was the best funny story I’ve read in a while. I have some, too, but I’m with the other Jen - I’ll just kaugh at yours for now!
12 Jen M // Sep 8, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Uh, Laugh.
13 amygeekgrl (Crunchy Domestic Goddess) // Sep 9, 2007 at 1:31 am
omg - hilarious! i’m still LOL.
14 AngelNicki // Sep 10, 2007 at 6:01 pm
LOL… that DOES sound embarassing… sounds like something that would happen to me! Probably every small child can relate though. Did you ever have a child in a store suddenly latch onto your leg, and then he looks up and realizes, “Thats not my mommy! Thats just some stranger wearing jeans like my mommy wears!” When you’re down low, its hard to tell the difference between people’s pants!
15 Lydia // Sep 12, 2007 at 3:32 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!!!! A cautionary tale, indeed!! It’s like that “wrong mommy” moment that happens to every little kid, except with potential ass-groping instead of hand-holding. Definitely something to keep in mind for me, a habitual butt-grabber. I can’t stop laughing at the mental picture. Maybe he thought you were trying to “pants” him. *cackle*
16 That Chick // Sep 15, 2007 at 1:28 am
I was having a very detailed and elaborate conversation with my co-worker about lactating strippers? And our boss was standing RIGHT BEHIND US. He knew it and was just encouraging me…saying things like, “What ELSE did they do?”
Of course, I humiliate myself quite regularly. It’s one of my talents.
17 the new girl // Sep 29, 2007 at 11:33 am
Dude.
Hil. ar. i. ous!
That story is a claaaaassic.
I’m embarrassed that I’m just getting over here to your new place!
It’s awesome, Mel.
xo
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