“I want to spend time with family and friends, even if they sometimes drive me crazy. Really crazy…..”
Make that…I would like to spend time with some members of my family. The rest are crazy. Crazy. As well as frustratingly passive-aggressive, but whatever. Merry Christmas, indeed. Hrmph.
So, I just don’t get the whole passive-aggressive, non-confrontational thing. What’s up with that, people? If I have some sort of issue with someone, or something to say, I say it. Sometimes I may come off as somewhat opinionated (could you hear The Husband snorting at that understatement from where you sit, reading this?), but at least you always know where you stand with me. As I have matured (snort…this time it was me), I don’t just go around spewing my opinions, but if you ask me, I will give it, and give it honestly. I will not say things about you to others that I would be ashamed to tell you myself. I try to adhere to a policy of not discussing The Husband’s family on my blog, but holy moly, sometimes I do not understand the way they operate. Certain portions of it anyway.
So? How do you cope with…er, celebrate with family over the holidays without your head exploding?
16 responses so far ↓
1 mikster // Dec 3, 2007 at 3:31 pm
I guess I have it easier than most. My parents have passed on, I’ve always ignored a couple of siblings I have that are nothing but trouble. I pretty much just enjoy the holidays with my kids.
2 Tom // Dec 3, 2007 at 3:44 pm
If I knew that, I wouldn’t spend most of my holidays in corners and trying to stay out of site as much as possible. Dory’s family didn’t know quite how to handle me since I tend to try and get things out in the open rather than gloss over it. It makes it a little uncomfy for them.
Don’t know why….
3 Kimberly // Dec 3, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Are you kidding? Wine, you silly girl. Are you trying to do this sober?
4 christine // Dec 4, 2007 at 1:39 am
I have to agree with Kimberly, but sometimes it takes something a little stronger, like shots of tequila!
5 ali // Dec 4, 2007 at 3:10 am
chocolate. lots and lots of chocolate. that’s the only way i survive Christmukah with my family.
6 andi // Dec 4, 2007 at 3:33 am
Alcohol. And lots of it.
7 Mrs. Chicken // Dec 4, 2007 at 3:49 am
I remind myself that on Dec. 26, we have 363 days of normal before we have to go through Christmas again.
Gak.
8 AngelNicki // Dec 5, 2007 at 1:12 am
Yeah, I SO know the feeling! The family I see mainly is my mom’s extended family, since my dad’s family is all dead, crazy, or moved so far away from us that they nearly fell off the edge of the continent. My mom’s family is also nuts, but in different ways!I love them, but I’d much prefer to see them one at a time. Or in groups of three, or something.
One thing I like about THIS Christmas is, we’re gathering with my mom’s whole family on Christmas Eve, instead of on the regular Christmas. That way, we’ll get all the family niceties out of the way, and be able to spend a nice, quiet Christmas at home on Christmas Day!
9 s'mee // Dec 5, 2007 at 5:40 pm
I come from an extremely weird/abusive/neglect background which can make for fun family times!
When I was younger I sat through the barbs, took the hits and eventually shot back. Now I ignore what I can and when it gets ugly or to a point *I* decide has gone too far - I leave without engaging anyone into a conversation that will only cause further unpleasantness.
If the confrontation is on my home turf I have actually told people “the party is over and we’ll see you soon!”
Both situations require that I remain as unemotional and calm as to not arise more contention. Nothing in my voice or actions that would arise suspect other than, “That’s odd, she’s leaving.” Very matter of fact, “Oh, I need to go.” or “I think I’m getting ill.” “Thor needs to work.” or “Look at the time! (it’s 4:00 in the afternoon) Let me gather your things, the traffic is going kill you if you wait any longer.”
The latter is much harder to accomplish than the former, so whenever possible I prefer to be a guest as opposed to a host. Either way, though, I have made my stance consistent so much so that when I make a parting statement those around me know it’s over and I am out of there.
10 Amanda // Dec 5, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I cope by complaining to my husband and he copes by complaining to me and we always say that next year we aren’t going anywhere but that never works because no one wants to come to us.
So we just deal with it…crazy and all and believe me there is lots to go around.
11 Kelley // Dec 6, 2007 at 11:01 am
Ok, will probably piss some people off here, but I pull the Autism card. I don’t do it very often but when it comes to my he-is-a-genius-cause-he-is-Rainman or he-is-so-artistic idiot relatives nothing is sacred. I say Boo wont cope with a long day. So we see them for a couple of hours tops BEFORE Christmas day and then just have to deal with my parents and brother AKA The Golden Child on Christmas day.
12 Aunt Deborah // Dec 6, 2007 at 5:40 pm
It must just be me - but how sad all these comments are. I know there are terrible families out - heck - I have had some unpleasent events with my family. But I think back to someone I saw who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The only thing she said that I remember is “Love is all you take with you”, and I know that it is my family that loves me. Yes in their weird often irritating way they are there no matter what. They love me when I am a jerk, when I make the wrong comment, when I pick up Suzy instead of Bobby (names are changed to protect the innocent), etc. They even loved me when I drank too much and I hope I can forgive them when they do the same. I look forward to seeing them - yes I remember fights but I also remember our favorite cookies and laughing at family stories that are repeated around the table. I guess I just want to say one thing and YES it is probably the wrong thing but where is everyone’s love and forgiveness or is Christmas supposed to be a selfish, treat me superior holiday. Gee I hope my family forgives me for this one too.
13 Wisconsin Mommy // Dec 6, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I think deep down we are all grateful to have families to complain about. Yes, we all need to be compassionate and understanding, but some of this stuff is where those funny stories COME from! We bond over complaining about our in-laws, but we all love them. Deborah, a lot of these comments were tongue in cheek and need to be taken as such. But thanks for the reminder to be thankful for what we do have - I’m sure we aren’t as callous as we sound.
14 Niksmom // Dec 8, 2007 at 8:00 pm
It’s easy for us; all my family (save one sibling and spouse on the west coast) live within a few miles of each other and we actually get along great. My in-laws are a few hours away and we don’t bother with them. We’ve tried, repeatedly, but you reach a point where you have to take care of your OWN family (self and kids) and maintain your self-respect. We simply avoid his family (by HIS choice) except by phone and cards in the mail.
15 Charles in Vegas // Dec 17, 2007 at 8:32 am
I have to agree. A lot of us drink to ensure that we get along with the rest of the family. Sometimes that does lead to other problems… Some people do avoid their family all together, or that one particular relative that no one really likes.
16 janet // Feb 15, 2008 at 8:46 am
Well, I just tend to keep my mouth shut and talk minimum with the relatives that I dislike.
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