Reaching yet another birthday and living to tell the tale has caused me to do some thinking. Pretty much since the age of 18, I have had nothing but contempt for the process of getting older. The weight gain, the wrinkles, the responsibility, the complete un-coolness that comes along with it. Why on earth would anyone enjoy doing that? If you think this is the point where I tell of how I finally came to terms with the idea, and have begun to view my getting older as a blessing, or whatever, you would be wrong. With each year that passes, I get more and more disgusted with the whole stinking process. When I turned 30, the whole aging process seemed to accelerate exponentially. For the first time, I looked in the mirror, and my face looked different. Not wrinkled, not yet, but different. Old. Like an adult, or something. And I refuse to even discuss the evil weight gain. Lest you think I am solely hung up on appearances, I don’t enjoy the other aspects of growing older either. True or not, it feels like all of the fun stuff has already been done. Dating, falling in love, the proposal, marriage, getting pregnant, seeing the tiny babies for the first time. All done. What the heck is left? Retirement? Whoopee. No, I’m not cool with getting older at all.
But as much as I hate the way time keeps speeding on by for me, I am completely not digging the momentum that my kids have built up in the whole getting older thing. I swear it feels like The Girl was just born and The Boy was just starting kindergarten. But now The Girl is the one ready for kindergarten and The Boy is ten. Holy crap. Ten. The Girl has given up the Wiggles in favor of Hannah Montana, and The Boy has a cell phone. There is not an ounce of baby fat left anywhere on my daughter’s ever-lengthening body, and my son’s perpetually messy hair grazes my chin when he stands next to me. Needless to say, I am not enjoying the sheer velocity of their growth.
I also lost two people that were close to me this year. I made a trip back to where I had grown up, and was pained at the effect the passing years had wrought on the place I knew as home. I was confronted with the effects of aging on the faces of those who had cared for me when I was small.
At some point in the last few years, I came to the decision that the passing of time was to be met with dread. The days are whizzing by me at a frenzied pace, and I picture myself standing with my arms extended rigidly toward my invisible enemy, and yelling, “Stop!” I long for a rewind button, or a time machine, perhaps. I tell myself to savor every moment, and am making an effort to do just that, but sometimes it just is not enough. Sometime I don’t only want to enjoy the here and now, I want to reclaim what once was. I am at a place where an old photograph brings heartache just as easily as a wistful smile. So what does one do to get past this particular issue? How do you overcome a phobia of time? Tell me your thoughts, your insights. But do it quickly, please…I’m not getting any younger.
Before you are kind enough to educate and enlighten me…look upon these photos and feel my pain. Weep with me Internets. Weep and eat chocolate.
21 responses so far ↓
1 Fairly Odd Mother // Feb 10, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I feel your pain. I turned 40 last summer and it was a big slap in the face. FORTY! My ‘baby’ will be four this year and move into his own bed. My little girls are 5 & 7, and also into all things Hannah and H.S. Musical.
The one thing that keeps me from thinking old age sucks the big one? Grandchildren. Yes, I know it is sick to be thinking of this already, but I think grandchildren have got to be pretty awesome. As long as I’m not expected to raise ‘em.
2 Kimberly // Feb 10, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Oh, I soooo feel you here. Why does it go so fast???
Happy Birthday sweetie.
3 Calamity Jane // Feb 10, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Oh honey, I completely know what you mean with the kids growing up so fast! I haven’t gotten to the point where my own age is bothering me, but it sure hurt two weeks ago when my 11 year old realized that he was taller than me already. I’ll be 40 when he graduates, and 42 when my youngest does. THEY are what I will most about being young. Sniff sniff.
4 Angela // Feb 11, 2008 at 5:17 am
Dang it! I was going to say happy birthday on your birthday but I missed it! Stinkin Saturdays…Im not faithful to the computer on Saturdays.
Growing old does stink…but I hope you at least did something fun for your day!
I dont have insight or advice but would just a couple verses that remind me what I should focus on while Im here on earth…
Matthew 6:33-34
“But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its onw things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
The way our pastor summed it up was…
“Seek means to yearn after, long for and the kingdom of God is Jesus…so yearn after Jesus and His glory…and He will take care of the rest..(all the worries and stress and troubles).
I dont know if it helps at all…I just thought it was cool how that was what our pastor taught on today and its always good to keep our focus on Christ!
Love you and wishing you a late birthday!
Oh and you dont have to post this…just wanted you to know we are thinking of you today!
5 christine // Feb 11, 2008 at 5:52 am
Sometimes I get this panicky feeling thinking about how quickly time is passing, and I don’t get another chance to do this!
My oldest just turned 13, DH will turn 40 next month, and my “baby” will soon be 8. I look in the mirror and see those wrinkles and gray hairs (and random hairs where there used to be no hairs!) and think ACK! How’d I get so old?
6 Kelley // Feb 11, 2008 at 9:04 am
Move over babe, I brought the chocolate…
Moo is old enough to have sex. Legally. She is only 18 months younger than I was when I met her father…..
That is freaking me out.
7 Aunt Deborah // Feb 11, 2008 at 3:25 pm
What a bunch of cry babies
- this is why I don’t go to women’s groups. When your babies are in their twenties and have children of thier own, when you really pop and creak (not the fake ones in you 20s and 30s) , when the hot flashes make you wonder about spontaneous combustion, when you don’t get carded but given the senior citizen discount, when young men talk to you for motherly advice - you will know age. It is at that point when you realize you are 1/2 dead - yes - you are 1/2 way in the grave. The silver lining - you are 1/2 way to birth!! You can pinch young man’s behinds and they laugh. Your house is full of childlren and grandchildren. You have quiet time with your husband - and time for sex whenever and where ever you want!!! You can take trips with just a small purse. You have time to read. You finally realize how much you look like your Mom - plus how foolishly you treated her - then hopefully you can ask her for forgiveness. Growing old is only yucky in your 20s and 30s - society makes it stupid in your 40s but 50s are a whole new thing baby!! I can’t wait. I love to be called grandma and I never hide my age. I just turned 48 and I love it! I am never cold - hot flashes - and my opinions are now listened to without a grain a salt. Well at least I think so - I am also absentminded - hurrah - how much did I weight - who cares - I can now afford new jeans.
8 Fuchsia // Feb 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I’m on the downside of my 30s and for whatever reason I’m looking forward to my 40s. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a fresh decade of ages or what…who knows. Psychologically I don’t do well with aging. I cry on my birthday a lot and look at old photographs of myself and wonder where that beautiful exhuberant young woman went.
However when I look back on my life experiences, both good and bad, I can honestly say they’ve made me a better person. A better wife, mom, sister, friend, etc. Even my children, while I long for some of their younger days, there are many of those days I’m glad are over and would rather forget. So when you don’t want to enjoy the here and now, but want to reclaim what once was remember you would have to take the bad along with the good. Sometimes the past is more comforting because the path is familiar. While moving forward and older is a fear of the unknown.
9 Ronni Bennett // Feb 12, 2008 at 10:43 am
For some years now, I’ve run a blog called Time Goes By, What it’s really like to get old. It’s not so bad - honest! - and today, I’ve asked my older readers, who have been where you are emotionally, for any help they can give you in facing the passage of time.
10 Perspective // Feb 12, 2008 at 12:09 pm
[…] ← Time Marches On….&*^#%@$! […]
11 Anne // Feb 12, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I once was in your shoes. I had married and divorced and had three children by the time I was 29. On my 30th birthday I was miserable, I felt like my life was over. I went to a coffeeshop by myself in total depression about it all, and ran into an older woman I knew, and she was excited and happy because today was her birthday too. She was turning 45. I sat down with her and told her I was unhappily turning 30, and asked does it get any better? She looked thoughtful and said, “Let me think, where was I when I was 30?” She gazed into space for a moment and then, “Oh yes, I was in jail… Yes, it gets better!”
And it did.
My 60th birthday is just a couple of months away, and I am excited and happy. Somebody here mentioned grandchildren, I have two now. But even better, I have three grown sons all doing well in life and I love them to bits. And I’m very proud of them. And I have a life of my own.
Wrinkles yes, fat no, very grey, but life is just that much sweeter when you know it’s in your hands to make the most of whatever comes your way.
12 Sharry // Feb 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm
My adorable granddaughter is 6 and my fabulous grandson is 10. I loved it when my own kids were little and I’ve delighted in every minute of my grandchildrens childhood. I honestly do miss their baby and toddlerhood AND I look forward to what they are discovering as they grow. They were not put here as my personal playthings. I think one reason we love that age so much is that they are living a Grace that we have forgotten. It’s our choice, as we age, to attempt to wake up to the fullness of who we can be, or just settle for what our culture offers: a lot of material things, passive entertainment, and the highs of romance/sex. There is more, and it is worth cultivating. You, my dear, are a witty writer, a good photographer, and a great mom. Probably a good life partner as well. Something, however, is causing you to depress your enthusiasm and life energy. If it was anger at Time (God), writing about it may have helped, but it sounds like it’s been going on for some time. I think you are at some important transition and feeling the emptiness that often accompanies big changes. Hang in there. Every season has it’s wonderful, unbelieveable, fabulous, and terrifying gifts. This turned out to be a long comment, full of my own opinions, but I was truly touched by your post and your photos of your family.
Blessings,
Sharry
13 Jamie // Feb 13, 2008 at 4:01 pm
You know I totally understand where you are coming from as a mom with two young children who is also going to be 39 in August…GAH!
It’s such a bittersweet thing watching one’s children grow up. On one hand we get excited as they reach different milestones, and on the other hand we get sentimental when we flip through old photographs.
I always go through a big crying spell right before my daughters’ birthdays. My “baby” turns 3 next month and I know there will be tears. Of course now she’s totally out of diapers and all I have to say about that is WOO HOO!
14 TigerTom // Feb 13, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I console myself that I am nearer heaven (hopefully).
The youth fixation of our culture is foolish. What _do_ most young people truly _know_ about life, except untried opinions?
15 Mizmell // Feb 14, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I hear you. And I feel your pain.
I’m turning 50 this year. Not happy about the wrinkles or gray hair, but I’m bound and determined to making the most of the rest of my life.
16 tv brackets // Feb 17, 2008 at 9:34 pm
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am nearing 40 and my daughter is now 17. I recently divorced, so I am all too aware that my time with her is passing way too quickly and sooner than later I will be dealing with emply nest syndrome in a big way.
17 AngelNicki // Feb 18, 2008 at 1:37 am
I know how you feel… I hate the passing of time! Actually I’ve resented it since I was a little kid. I used to cry when the different seasons and holidays ended. (Might have been an Asperger’s thing though…) And I remember one time when I lost my first tooth, my dad said something like, “Our little girl is growing up!” and I BURST into tears!
18 kellypea // Feb 20, 2008 at 8:39 am
Hey mel — Happy Birthday and all that sort of thing. It gets better. The nice thing about digital cameras is if you don’t like a photo, you keep shooting until it comes out the way you like it, right? It’s great.
As far as babies growing up too fast is concerned, I walk past their photos on my wall and it’s almost as if they’re different people whom I’ve lost touch with. So strange. I have great relationships with them now, but their baby toddler photos are just so…*sigh*
And Aunt Deborah — I’m 51, and I’d rather not have the flashes. I’ve tried to be positive about not ever being cold, but it just doesn’t work that way. Cheers to you, though!
19 the new girl // Feb 21, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I would grieve with you, Mel, if I wasn’t totally DAZZLED by the GORGEOUSNESS of your children.
My goodness.
About aging? I just consider the alternative and that usually rights my ship. My good friend’s dad used to say, “At least you’re on the right side of the dirt.”
lol.
20 joshua // Mar 9, 2008 at 4:15 am
getting older upsets me a lot, and that is a bit of an ironic emotion, because i hated my age until i was about, eh, almost 30. i knew i was a “child” when i was a child, and then when i was in my 20’s i knew i was a ridiculous “kid.” my thirties are great, and i feel like myself. i got to enjoy this happiness for about ten minutes before i started to worry about losing it. the moments tick away, a year passes and i accomplish nothing much, and i think about how awesome i feel, and how awful it’s going to be very soon. feeling at peace with myself will surely be taken away, just like everything always is!–so i watch my watch, tick tock, tick tock. will it be tomorrow when i am no longer happy?? will it?? obsession, obsession.
some people are simply not built to be free of anxiety. “aging” is a ready-made problem to insert into the anxiety chair. it is probably healthier than worrying about, say, brain tumors.
21 Shalet // Mar 28, 2008 at 4:05 am
I totally get how you feel. At 36 I’m starting to have health issues that may be related to the big M (menopause - bleech what a gross word). Talk about feeling old.
My son is almost 12 and I miss my baby boy. Time goes so fast. And my girls, don’t even talk about the girls.
The next milestone is the AARP. Again, bleech. Although not working is terribly appealing to me.
I’m trying my best to appreciate what is before me but oh some days are hard!
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